finding a reason...

today another day of kitchen...i guess..i really dont enjoy it at all...the only reason why im still goin to training is coz i have to finish it...n its only been one month...but to me ..its like 3 months d..=.='...i feel so dead working in the kitchen...the usual happy me has turned to never smiled...im juz finding every reason i can so tat i could smile n actuelly tell my self that this is not tat bad...rite..??..but..i cant seem to find tat reason...the fact tat there is none...today after work ,mom came n fetch me...:/....then went home dinner...the now...:/...haih...i really wanto end this now..!!...my gatss...haih...i could spend my time better compare to now...so dead...:(..
DESIRE

funny funny day...!!

hmm..lets c...today the pastry kakak off...:D..so i have the whole pastry to myself..!:D..
lol...haha...:D...but...after my break ...which is around 3 sumting..!!...the restaurant is freakin empty..!!..tat meanss..no orders...which means...I STONE THERE..!!...so freakin bored wei..!!...owhh yaa..n n...i spill OIL...on my uniform when i was try very very hard to open the bottle of oil for another chef.....=.='...dammit..damm ..!!...n...went to central coz my sis pick me up there...n mommy is here too.....becoz she is not so familiar with central ...so my sis called her n said sumting dam dam funny...

the conversation
sis: hey mom..where u..??reach d..??
mom: ya reach d...Im goin....
sis:NO DONT GO ANYWHERE...STAY WHERE U R WE WILL GO THERE FIND U..!!..
MOM:...=.='...i noe how to go up lah..!!!
sis:owhh ok...we will wait for u upstairs then..:D
(BACKGROUND:ME LOLING LIKE MAD..!!...)

.:D...after that we went pyramid for dinner..:D...not tat tasty...:P...haha lol...anyway...
heres another funny part...we went to jusco...to buy stuff...then...when i was heading for the cheese section..i saw one couple...then i overheard them said sumting...'ai i wan the cheese tat will melt when i cook with my mushroom...!!!...LOL...i wanted to lol..but...im not tat mean..!!..haha..anyway...then...they r quite near where im stading lah...then...then funny this happened..!!

SIS:U R MAKIN SANDWICH FOR ME N MOM TOMOLOW MORNING..
ME:(QUITE LOUD)EXCUSE ME...!!!....O.O...!!
COUPLE:LOOK AT ME N STARE...!!...0.O...??...
ME:(PAISEH TILLLL...!!!!!)OWH SORRY(WALKS TOWARD MY SIS N TOLD HER THE STORY..!!....OMGG..!!..

hahaha...lol...rite..!!....then after that..we home n i went to do my laundry...:D...
haha...funny funny...paiseh leh..!!....=.='...haha...anyway..tomolow...another day of work...
k lah....tata..!!..
^.^DESIRE^.^...

today...yet again..

heloo ppl...i realise tat my blog is soo full of word instaed of beautiful pictures n stuff..
but i guess..im kinda lazy to post up pictures coz itss so sloww..anyway...today work was ok..they had a new menu comin up..beef...beef n beef...i always think...m i really gona be in the kitchen for the rest of my entire life..??..fact tat my interest is rapidly decreasing...day by day...i jzuz feel tat my life is so meaningless..now..im thinking whether i should change my future profession..??..m i really up for kitchen..??...but the kitchen life n my attitude...IS...TOTALLY DIFFERENT...i like to have fun..talk to ppl...ya noee...n still be able to dress nice n look good...n not sweat n not bein in the same thing at the same place doin the same thing...but..i really duno wat to choose... can anyone help..??...all i want a job tat i can work n enjoy at the same time...for those who noes me..u alll noe i love shopping...so why do i shop ...??...bcos i wan2 dress up..:D...i love fashion..!!>.:D.....but...cullinary wont get me anywhere near to my loves...:(...so i have no idea...for now..i will juz finish wat ive already done halfway..n c wat will happen...but seriously..i have no idea...:/...haih...sad case...k lah..i gtg...tata...:/...
DESIRE

today today today..!!

hmm.. let me c...today was...pweety much the same..
i guess..but...i really cant stand ppls attitude sumtimess..!!..
wat u think i m..UR BANK..!!..money lender..??...ppl like that...i cannot stand..
if once or twice...i still ok...i have problems like these to sumtimes...
BUT...EVERYTIME..!!...u lame or juz PLAIN STUPID..!!..
OWHH MYY GATT..!!!...i didnt say no doesnt mean im willing..!!..
which part of i dont wan2 make a big fuss bout it..do u dum asses dont understand..!!
i could be mean n juz reply...no money ah..??..DONT EAT LAH..!!..stupid ass..!!..
these ppl juz dont get it..!!....i cannot stand it anymore..!!...i will not say anything...but...
u will be pushed to the side...n everytime when u aske me the same thing again..TRUST ME....
ILLNOE WAT TO ANSWER..!!...ANYWAY..!!...reached work...hmm..then...stand there for awhile...this n that...as usual...actuelly i wanted to like stay late in kitchen...but...at 6.30...IM TOO SLEEPY..!!....sooo..heh..lol....n n n n n...sumting DAM DAM DAM FUNNY...happened..!!>.<....ok..juz now ..i was supposed to go gym rite..then..ok lahh i drove there..then..i wanted to part the parking near to the gym...but...i went to the rong one..haha...coz i forgot..>!!!...then...i went out from the rong parking space n turm another round to the one i wanted to park at...LOL...then...i was like...hmm...if there got parking i park..if none..then..bye bye...MANATAU..!!...really got worr...SUMORE IN FRONT OF THE MAIN DOOR..OME..hahha..lol..then..i was like..ok lohh...then..while i was walking....my tummy duno why...dont feel so good...soo...i ended up didnt go...=.='...coz coz ...what if i half way jogging my tummy cram..!...MAHH DIE LAHH...!!..:D....SAFETY FIRST RITE..!!...i learn form the best...!!...MY MOMMY..!!..lol...:D...k lahh its 12amam sumting d...need to go sleeps d..tata...
^.^DESIRE^.^

yet another day..

today..had to use KTM..n..MNRL..!!..
dammit..i tell u..theres is lame lame..TANTE..!!..she so lame..!!
im obviously standing at a spot tat only fits me...leaning against the wall..but she go squish in..!!..
n the best part is..there is still lotss of space..!!..argghh...ANYWAY...then..reach work...ate b.fast..
then WORK..i really have nth more to say about the pastry chef in C club..!!...yea.i admit...she noess alittle sumting...she has the knowledge...of...A TERM 2 STUDENT..>!!..she doesnt even noe wat folding or creaming method..!!..she wanted to bake cookies...then..she took out a recipe book...i read it she read it....she didnt follow the method at all...n she is spoiling the mixer..!!..she is like killing all those lovely pastrys..!!...she dont love them..she juz work 100% for the sake of money....not coz she loves wat she is doin..!!i feel so sad for the pastryss......:(..she torture them...=.='....then..when i tried to tell her..how the recipe goes...she said..SHUT UP..!!!...FUCK HEER MAN..!!DAMMIT..!!...okok...i cannot curse..!!...anyway...!!..yea...i dont noe...ill try my very best to survive...:/....the fact tat i still dont really noe whether i belong in the kitchen or not..!!...u c...i tot of this...if i continue working as a chef...then...i will be working 6 days a week..which = to maximum usage of energy...which means..i will juzz lazz after work or even during my day offz..which means..i wont max out my FUTURE...credit card..!!....but...if i change to sumting tat i think i up to...then...i will end up maxing my credit card...which equals to never ending dept..!!...sooo....YEAA...stresss stress..!!...nth more to say...i will c how this year goes...since its not a good yea for me..:(...anyway...i have to sleep..n face another day of C Club...!..:(..:/...
DESIRE

no turning back...

have u ever been in a situation that u noe tat u cant do shit bout it anymore..
cozzz wat is done is done..!..no matter how u sulk bout it...no matter how u try to make things
better for urself knowing tat there is nth ellse u can do..u still try..?...untill irrelevant ideas starts to pop in ur head...sum are so dumb tat u dont even noe why u tot of tat..
weell...tats how i m now..nth more to say or do...i dont think i like this year..year of 2009...
so many things..happened..from this to tat...from the thing tat u never tot would even happen..
to sumting tat u noe tat will.. i always tell myself...no sacrifice to victory.. but.. i dont really always stick to it...coz..its juz ...well..its not easy...for me..i did so many things...tat i tot was ok...tat i tot no one would find out, tat i could juz cover it up when time comes....but..mayb im juz to naive...cozz...out of 10...only 3 things worked out...others...r juz...such a surprice to me..:/..
well...i think im gona change my quote...to...C'EST LAVIE..!!..funny rite...cozz...i juz realised sumting...ur life would be harder if u say its hard... there r so many things i wish i didnt do..
but..wishes never come true...so why still wish for sumting tat u think u could have or could happen...let the past stay as the past...never look back...n try my very best to cover up wat ive done...sumtimes...i feel so spoiled...not by my parents...but...by myself...i never think far...i guess tats the thing bout me...im good at giving advice to other ppl....but not to myself...:/..
i have learned my lesson...n im sorry....tats all i could say....i noe its to late...but...i will try my very best to change into a better person...
DESIRE

thinking..n thinking..

today...went to work..as usual..nth much happened..
did wat i do alwayss...which equals to sianz ness.
i think i think to much....why..??..
theres so many things tat is runnig through my head tat i cant concentrate
during work...
the question of...m i goin for degree ..?..
but do i really fit cullinary..??
can i survive in the kitchen...??
should i cahnge..??..but ill waste all the money i invested on this..
but whats whoud i change..??
wat if i changed d...i still end up in this situation..??
how would i noe whether its really for me...!!..
OMGG..SOOO MANY QUESTIONS..!!..
but..zero answers...!!...
someone save me plz..!!
T.T....DESIRE.....T.T.....